This dude keeps calling me asking to go snowboarding.  Whatever stoner, go hang out with Bode Miller and you're other pothead friends.  Lateski!

The other day I got a call from this number asking me to him and his buzzed friend over to a bar.  Dude, I am way too self-centered to take 2 minutes out of my day to do any favors for anyone.  You're killin me bro, YOU'RE KILLIN ME!!

I got a call from this guy asking if I knew where his mom was.  I told him, "She's right here, but she can't talk right now because she's can't talk with a full mouth. BADA-BING!

Wow, this guy's mom is like the town bicycle...everyone gets a ride, but the frame is getting weathered and rusty, one pedal is gone, and the tail-light is missing...oh and the tire has a flat too.

I know this guy, his mom's name is Jill.  Last week Me and Jill went up the hill, each with a dollar and a quarter.  Jill came back with $2.50...OHHHHHHH!!

This guys mom makes a tasty Chicken Parmigiana.

This guys been calling random houses and just yelling out "I’m the Guitar Hero Champ, and who are you...NOBODY!, ha ha ha".  

Here's the tip: When he calls just tell him his face is nobody. That usually stops him, but if he calls again just pass the phone to his mom, that’s what I do.

Pop quiz hotshot:

You're lyin on your back with your head on the edge of the bed...her booty's two feet from yer head.  Should you:

a) Take the time to find a condom
b) Walk right over and you ppound 'em
c) Tell her that you want her love
d0 All of the above

I fooled around with yer mom and she fell in love!!! Take a number and get in line bee-otch!

Who has two thumbs and was workin yer mom last night?  THIS GUY!!!

Tell yer mom I'm not paying her $1.50 fee.  She was horrible.

This guys been calling random houses and just yelling out "I?m the Guitar Hero Champ, and who are you...NOBODY!, ha ha ha".  

Here's the tip: When he calls just tell him his face is nobody. That usually stops him, but if he calls again just pass the phone to his mom, that?s what I do.